So, today I come to you a little frustrated. I'm at a conference with people I adore - my Canadian friends - and I'm in a beautiful place (Tampa) taking a break from school with a conference. Every time I go to a place for Canadian politics and policy, I meet many new people, hang out with old friends, and learn a lot. In the past 20 hours, I have met a ton of people, hung out at the hotel bar with a drink, and have very much relaxed and enjoyed myself. Hell, I even got updated from a standard room to a junior suite with a balcony for no reason other than I was lucky.
However, travelling as a nut allergic grad student kind of sucks. I am listing ten reasons why. I can probably think of 100 more but these are my top ten. Today, I am inspired because I feared I was weither not going to get breakfast before my panel or I was going to have to pay a lot in cab fare to go somewhere I could eat.
You see, since probably the dawn of time (now I sound like my students), I have had issues with nuts in my food. I can remember fondly as a child eating chocolate with almonds and having my tongue swell up. However, it tasted so good. I had plenty of other allergies as a kid - shellfish, citrus, pomegranate, etc. However, as an adult, my food allergies got a ton worse. No longer could I deny my reactions after I was covered in hives and sick to my stomach. I got allergy tested again at 22 and things didn't improve. I tested with a reaction to almonds and walnuts - two things I had reacted poorly to. So, I sucked it up and dealt. I stopped eating those things. I started asking questions. However, despite asking about epi pens and special ways to eat safely, my allergist said my reaction "wasn't that bad" and I should avoid food.
Fast-forward to 2012. I got off a plane from Rwanda and visited my good friend in Manchester, UK. We visited some friends in the countryside away from Manchester and got ice cream - which I now know is a HUGE no-no. I asked to see if the ice cream had nuts and was told "no". I ate it. Within 30 seconds, I knew it was mis-labeled. My throat swelled, I coughed for days, I puked - the whole she-bang. Well, by the time I got home, my mother forced me to go back to my childhood allergist who gave me a bunch of shots, armed me with epi-pens, and told me I was very lucky to be alive and that I should have gone straight to the ER. I never saw my new allergist again. I almost died. I didn't make that mistake again. Since then, I've completely changed my diet. It's been very, very hard at times but I do it to stay safe.
So, here are ten reasons it sucks to be nut allergic. I'm not the only one. These are things other adults experience - especially when travelling. Conferences, while fun, can also be a nightmare.
1. Servers and staff don't get it. - This one is a key one. This morning I explained my allergy to three separate people. The first person to get it was actually a woman who spoke little English but showed me an allergy safe-handling list that she said she knew. She was the first person I trusted. I get a whole lot of "but I can pick the nuts off, right?" or "But it shouldn't kill you if it just touched it."
2. People in line don't get it. - They are often annoyed. They think you are being purposefully difficult. And, honestly, the whole "gluten free for health" bullshit has made this worse. Everyone you know is going gluten free. You probably know someone who is a bit of an attention whore that is doing it. For this reason, staff get a lot of requests for gluten free from people that aren't gluten allergic and it makes the lives of people with food allergies harder. You may even have these people at your table who say "oh, I knew a person that grew out of it". You will explain "yes, but I didn't and won't". They won't get it. You will just have to deal with it.
3. TSA agents don't get it. - This was awful yesterday. The TSA tried to take the nut-safe bread that I had baked to bring with me. It was all I would have until 2PM yesterday. I can't eat the food on the plane - it always has a "may contain" or "shared facility" label. It also meant that on the way back, I wouldn't have food either. I always pack just enough food to get by. It's hard to know what is in the terminal until you get there. Usually, there is nothing safe for me before lunch and I don't always have time to sit down. I had to show them my epi pen and threaten to report them before they let it go.
4. People lie to you. - Before I knew better than to trust ANY dessert unless it was safe, I ate a pastry at Second Cup in Ottawa shortly before boarding the airport bus. It was a mistake. I asked a kid to go check about one of the pastries. He did but he either didn't ask the right person or the person didn't know and just lied. Either way, my pastry had walnuts, which I didn't know until I started eating. I came back to Chicago swollen and ill. I had to fling open my suitcase full of dirty clothing after a week at a conference to find my meds which I had packed. Canadians, being nice people, helped. An old man touched my gross underwear trying to help and I was mortified. NEVER AGAIN.
5. You have to call ahead EVERYWHERE or be prepared to walk around aimlessly for hours. - Try going to a conference in New Orleans with a nut and shellfish allergy. It's awful. There were all of 2-3 places in a close distance to our hotel that had anything "safe". I lived on granola bars until I was done presenting and could get on a bus and go get Persian food. Walking around got so tiring. It was an endless disappointment.
6. Some days, you are SOL and will NOT find food. - This morning was an example where I thought this was an issue. I knew that I would not get food if there were no bagels. I wasn't willing to sacrifice my going home food. If I got delayed, I would have no more food. That's a scary thought.
7. You can never just go out and have a good time without thinking about it. - Tonight my cousin is meeting me. I have already called places nearby to see what is safe and what isn't. It's way harder to just meet people to go to lunch to network. I always have to be prepared to either say "but I can't eat here" or "well, you guys eat, I'm not hungry" (even if I am).
8. Say bye-bye to desserts. Desserts aren't safe. And sometimes you will get the stink eye from waitstaff if you are the lone hold out. And, if it's a plated meal with multiple courses provided by the conference, you have to get that thing away from you. People may stare as you sit there not eating. My boyfriend is taking me to a place where I am actually able to have dessert when I get back. I can't contain my excitement, honestly.
9. Be prepared to pay more. Since you can't just eat anywhere, you sometimes have to spend a lot more money. The cafe here didn't have safe food at all. So, I ended up spending $20.00 for an appetizer at a restaurant that I could get to. It's stupid but I was bloody hungry.
10. You sound like a broken record and it's annoying as hell to you. - Other peopel may only hear you explain things once but you do it all the time. You say the same thing to waitstaff over and over for a period of days at a conference. It makes you tired and sad. You also worry that anyone else around you finds you similarly annoying but it's what you have to do to stay safe.
Do you have food allergies? If so, how do you cope on business trips? Or trips for pleasure?
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Friday, November 22, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Parental phone calls: The new normal?
So, teaching assistants, instructors, professors, parents of blogger and twitter, what say you on this topic?
My colleagues and I have noticed that especially recently, parental phone calls are more numerous than ever. What's more, parents often call without the knowledge of their students. Why? I just can't fathom this. It doesn't do any good, of course. What is the point?
The first phone call I received from a parent was back in 2011. It was the Spring semester and I was the only TA for a course on American civil liberties. I had to grade a TON of papers and tests for 75 students. It was a harrowing semester to say the least but it was the first time I actually dug into dealing with students one-on-one to improve their writing which was actually really satisfying.
My office phone rings and I look over at it. Who the hell is calling? During this time, I worked in a dark, dank office in the attic of what USED to be the psych ward of the university hospital. I have no windows and asbestos tile on all things. The phone ringing for the first time in EVER was creepy as all get out. It seemed like the start of a bad horror movie, but I picked it up. On the other end was an irate parent who kept calling me "professor" when I kept correcting her. She was calling in regards to a student who had a good grade in the class but she insisted the grade for the student should have been higher. I told her that I couldn't discuss any specifics but then she said "SHE KNOWS THINGS! HER FATHER IS A DIPLOMAT!" Uh, okay? She clearly didn't understand political science subfields at all but more than that, lady was calling without the knowledge of her kid. I found this out a day later when I talked to her student in class. I asked the student if she wanted to discuss things. She was confused. I explained the conversation and then the student got red in the face. I found out that she was mortified. Her mother had called because of her own personal insecurities about the child's grades. The student was happy with her grade.
The student told me, "I didn't work hard enough to earn an A. That's it. I'm not complaining" or something to that regard. She took her "lumps" as minor as they were and moved on. Mom couldn't cut the cord.
This year has been something else. Parents have been emailing myself, the professor, and then calling everyone in the teaching staff for this large section. We can't discuss grade specifics, of course, but today, crazy went to a whole 'nother level.
The situation was similar to that of the above one with one difference: I am now in an office in a building with carpet, no lead paint, and a WINDOW! I'm not in a basement either (that was last year). Small victories, eh? However, due to it being an old building and our powerstrips being limited, someone must have unplugged our office phone because, I mean, who calls it? Well, a parent wanted to. Said parent was spamming the phone downstairs and the administrative assistant emailed me. I called on my cell because the cordless phone had a now-dead battery. Stupid mistake. I will now fear FOR DAYS her calling my cell interminably.
So, I call her back to stop her from harassing our office staff. She gets all huffy, won't tell me her name, her student's name, etc. She kept saying "I know my rights" and talking over me. She finally gave me her information and the student's and I again told her I couldn't speak about grades and that we would be happy to assist her student. I then asked her the one question I always ask now: "Does your student know you are calling?"
The answer was, of course, no. It more often than not is. Kids are usually MORTIFIED when they find out that their parents are calling. I would be, too.
The call ended with no progress being made for her. All she did was yell at me, insult my Chicago accent, tell me I spoke "incoherently" because of it, and then call me lazy. Even if I COULD help, I wouldn't have. Rule number one of getting what you want: don't insult the only person who can help you!
But why do parents call, then? If it doesn't work? If they know that we can't give them this information?
I know it's not a completely new phenomenon because when I was in school, there were definitely parents that felt the need to intervene - usually by requesting access to grades on OneStart, the grade, registration, and financial system my undergrad used. They never had access to online course materials, raw grades, etc. Just final grades. And my parents felt that THIS was an imposition into my life. They didn't ask me to sign the waiver to let them have access and I was always getting good grades. Even if I hadn't, they figured I would tell them. It's worked out similarly with my sister who is just now finishing up her undergrad at the same school.
However, today, this parent confessed to me that they have the password for Blackboard, Facebook, and university email accounts for this student. The university actually forbids parents and others from accessing Blackboard and university email for fear of academic dishonesty and privacy. When I informed her she was violating FERPA and university policy, she basically just wondered how she could monitor the every move of her kid without it!
The parents my prof and I have dealt with this semester have all been similarly minded - go behind a student's back and demand a grade change at all costs. When that doesn't work, just insult the living daylights out of whatever human being you are speaking to.
Why? Is this a new trend? Is it going to stay this way or do we just have a fluke of a section of this class?
My colleagues and I have noticed that especially recently, parental phone calls are more numerous than ever. What's more, parents often call without the knowledge of their students. Why? I just can't fathom this. It doesn't do any good, of course. What is the point?
The first phone call I received from a parent was back in 2011. It was the Spring semester and I was the only TA for a course on American civil liberties. I had to grade a TON of papers and tests for 75 students. It was a harrowing semester to say the least but it was the first time I actually dug into dealing with students one-on-one to improve their writing which was actually really satisfying.
My office phone rings and I look over at it. Who the hell is calling? During this time, I worked in a dark, dank office in the attic of what USED to be the psych ward of the university hospital. I have no windows and asbestos tile on all things. The phone ringing for the first time in EVER was creepy as all get out. It seemed like the start of a bad horror movie, but I picked it up. On the other end was an irate parent who kept calling me "professor" when I kept correcting her. She was calling in regards to a student who had a good grade in the class but she insisted the grade for the student should have been higher. I told her that I couldn't discuss any specifics but then she said "SHE KNOWS THINGS! HER FATHER IS A DIPLOMAT!" Uh, okay? She clearly didn't understand political science subfields at all but more than that, lady was calling without the knowledge of her kid. I found this out a day later when I talked to her student in class. I asked the student if she wanted to discuss things. She was confused. I explained the conversation and then the student got red in the face. I found out that she was mortified. Her mother had called because of her own personal insecurities about the child's grades. The student was happy with her grade.
The student told me, "I didn't work hard enough to earn an A. That's it. I'm not complaining" or something to that regard. She took her "lumps" as minor as they were and moved on. Mom couldn't cut the cord.
This year has been something else. Parents have been emailing myself, the professor, and then calling everyone in the teaching staff for this large section. We can't discuss grade specifics, of course, but today, crazy went to a whole 'nother level.
The situation was similar to that of the above one with one difference: I am now in an office in a building with carpet, no lead paint, and a WINDOW! I'm not in a basement either (that was last year). Small victories, eh? However, due to it being an old building and our powerstrips being limited, someone must have unplugged our office phone because, I mean, who calls it? Well, a parent wanted to. Said parent was spamming the phone downstairs and the administrative assistant emailed me. I called on my cell because the cordless phone had a now-dead battery. Stupid mistake. I will now fear FOR DAYS her calling my cell interminably.
So, I call her back to stop her from harassing our office staff. She gets all huffy, won't tell me her name, her student's name, etc. She kept saying "I know my rights" and talking over me. She finally gave me her information and the student's and I again told her I couldn't speak about grades and that we would be happy to assist her student. I then asked her the one question I always ask now: "Does your student know you are calling?"
The answer was, of course, no. It more often than not is. Kids are usually MORTIFIED when they find out that their parents are calling. I would be, too.
The call ended with no progress being made for her. All she did was yell at me, insult my Chicago accent, tell me I spoke "incoherently" because of it, and then call me lazy. Even if I COULD help, I wouldn't have. Rule number one of getting what you want: don't insult the only person who can help you!
But why do parents call, then? If it doesn't work? If they know that we can't give them this information?
I know it's not a completely new phenomenon because when I was in school, there were definitely parents that felt the need to intervene - usually by requesting access to grades on OneStart, the grade, registration, and financial system my undergrad used. They never had access to online course materials, raw grades, etc. Just final grades. And my parents felt that THIS was an imposition into my life. They didn't ask me to sign the waiver to let them have access and I was always getting good grades. Even if I hadn't, they figured I would tell them. It's worked out similarly with my sister who is just now finishing up her undergrad at the same school.
However, today, this parent confessed to me that they have the password for Blackboard, Facebook, and university email accounts for this student. The university actually forbids parents and others from accessing Blackboard and university email for fear of academic dishonesty and privacy. When I informed her she was violating FERPA and university policy, she basically just wondered how she could monitor the every move of her kid without it!
The parents my prof and I have dealt with this semester have all been similarly minded - go behind a student's back and demand a grade change at all costs. When that doesn't work, just insult the living daylights out of whatever human being you are speaking to.
Why? Is this a new trend? Is it going to stay this way or do we just have a fluke of a section of this class?
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Opening the Dialogue on Mental Health in Grad School for MIAW
Inside Higher Ed's GradHacker blog posted about mental health yesterday in response to Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW). Turley, who posted the blog, stated,
I thought the post was well-done and brought up some important suggestions worthy of review. And, since it is, MIAW and a large portion of this blog is devoted to helping those dealing with mental illness in graduate school, I thought I would tie this all together with a post about dialogue.
The suggestions Inside Higher Ed offered were mainly about dialogue. I think this is an important point of note. Why? Well, as I posted about in "How to Talk to People with Mental Illness", a large part of the "puzzle" of "dealing" with the problems associated with mental illness are associated with stigma and a lack of awareness about resources. I have been very open with my own struggles with bipolar disorder and how it has been the biggest challenge I have faced in grad school. I have tried to show that most people deal with mental illness or face hardships associated with stress or anxiety in grad school whether it be prior to comps or specifically during the comps process. Likewise, because I am a survivor of sexual assault and have also tried to be open about this, I have talked about the importance of being aware of the process of dealing with survivors and what comes "next" in the process of healing. Most importantly, I have tried to open the dialogue on here and twitter in hopes that people would realize they aren't alone. This was my most popular post this year.
I think people are starting to become aware on the blogosphere and on twitter of the reality of how prevalent mental illness is in grad school. As I've said before, it's rather important to put this all into perspective. I can think of few people who haven't seen a counselor. And, in my opinion, most people who haven't seen one here, probably could have benefitted from seeing one at one time or another. Whether it is just a "rough patch" or a legitimate disorder that needs to be diagnosed, the "treatment" is the same. Thus, it doesn't matter what we call it. Everybody's got something. That's a thing I think we should emphasize. While I deal with sometimes unique situations due to OCD, PTSD, and bipolar disorder, most of what I have been through is pretty relatable and standard grad school "fare" that is associated with stress and anxiety that MOST will experience in their time here.
That's why the GradHacker article is a good one, I think. It recommends three things:
Number 2 is something I feel strongly about as a future academic and as a current grad student. I do not doubt that my advisor is one of the best ones here as far as helping with this problem. As I posted here, she has taken a personal interest in the unique problems facing female students trying to balance it all - school, life, and society's conflicting expectations. If I went to her looking for resources, I bet she would be able to help and would actively try. However, I know others have not received the same level of support from other advisors or in other departments. When a guy I was dating awhile ago admitted that the lack of sleep due to terrible lab hours was making him feel completely out of touch with reality, his advisor basically told him to suck it up. We've talked since he graduated and got a job with a much better work-life-balance and he said that the last year here was the worst year of his life thus far. The strangeness of being in a foreign country, having no time to even sleep or eat, and having no friends took its toll. He now sees a therapist and is feeling much better.
I have talked about the need to be aware of resources for both general stress and anxiety and for sexual assault crisis. We are faced with problems that our students bring us even as grad students. I make myself aware of the mental health and counseling resources on campus as well as the sexual assault crisis resources. This particular school has EXCELLENT resources. If I was advising grad students in the first semester of grad school or teaching an introductory seminar, I would like start that first seminar or meeting off with a general overview of what stress is like in grad school, that it is "the norm" and that how you deal with it is what matters. I wish more people did this. The more open we are about the problem - not just in closed-door settings - the more likely we are to solve the problem.
In regards to number 3, I agree with the idea of offering mental health seminars or cohort meetings for first year grad students. This is proactive. If a counselor was brought in once every other week for drop-in meetings and open discussions with a cohort in a conference room somewhere, good techniques could be gained in dealing with stress and anxiety. Likewise, students would not feel as isolated. Eventually, if you manage to get through semester one, you will realize that everyone is dealing with the same damn thing. But you have to get there first!
The counseling and mental health centers on campus offer a variety of stress-mangement, sexaul assault recovery, and mindfulness resorces here that I think are very valuable. However, few are grad-student specific. Because I am aware of stigma and the perceptions of undergraduates as well as my age, I am reluctant to join any group that is not grad-student specific. It would be a conflict of interest to have a student or future student in there. But hey, at least some grad-specific things exist and there are sexual assault survivor groups, which is more than I can say for my undergraduate school. And, there, everything cost a lot of money. Here, 90% of these resources are free and if they aren't, they take insurance. Indiana did not take any form of insurance, which was a huge barrier to poor grad students seeking treatment, I'm sure.
All in all, I look forward to having more dialogue on this blog in the future (in the comments) and on twitter.
Big takeaways that I think we should focus on is that we need to provide resources to students before things get hairy. Provide the resources to deal with stress and anxiety first rather than just react to the problem. And as future academics or current academics, we should be aware of what resources are available and work actively to smash stigma.
"I think that mental health issues are the biggest barriers to success among graduate students."I have to agree. I've stated on here numerous times that by the time we get to grad school, we are pretty much intellectually equal. Time management and stress-management are the areas which either sink us or let us have success. This is particularly true in times of high-stress such as comps!
I thought the post was well-done and brought up some important suggestions worthy of review. And, since it is, MIAW and a large portion of this blog is devoted to helping those dealing with mental illness in graduate school, I thought I would tie this all together with a post about dialogue.
The suggestions Inside Higher Ed offered were mainly about dialogue. I think this is an important point of note. Why? Well, as I posted about in "How to Talk to People with Mental Illness", a large part of the "puzzle" of "dealing" with the problems associated with mental illness are associated with stigma and a lack of awareness about resources. I have been very open with my own struggles with bipolar disorder and how it has been the biggest challenge I have faced in grad school. I have tried to show that most people deal with mental illness or face hardships associated with stress or anxiety in grad school whether it be prior to comps or specifically during the comps process. Likewise, because I am a survivor of sexual assault and have also tried to be open about this, I have talked about the importance of being aware of the process of dealing with survivors and what comes "next" in the process of healing. Most importantly, I have tried to open the dialogue on here and twitter in hopes that people would realize they aren't alone. This was my most popular post this year.
I think people are starting to become aware on the blogosphere and on twitter of the reality of how prevalent mental illness is in grad school. As I've said before, it's rather important to put this all into perspective. I can think of few people who haven't seen a counselor. And, in my opinion, most people who haven't seen one here, probably could have benefitted from seeing one at one time or another. Whether it is just a "rough patch" or a legitimate disorder that needs to be diagnosed, the "treatment" is the same. Thus, it doesn't matter what we call it. Everybody's got something. That's a thing I think we should emphasize. While I deal with sometimes unique situations due to OCD, PTSD, and bipolar disorder, most of what I have been through is pretty relatable and standard grad school "fare" that is associated with stress and anxiety that MOST will experience in their time here.
That's why the GradHacker article is a good one, I think. It recommends three things:
1. "Graduate departments need to openly acknowledge the problem."2. "Academic advisors should receive training on preventing, recognizing, and addressing mental health issues in their students (and themselves too!)."3. "Graduate programs should offer (or even require) courses or workshops that teach yoga and mindfulness techniques."Starting with number 1, I agree. My department is not awful about this but there have been teachable moments here that I think have gone undiscussed. In two instances, a grad student basically was a danger to themselves and another person. I was the target of such a situation when a student basically became obsessed with me, stalked me, and then threatened to hurt themselves when I refused to help them do their homework. The student was eventually asked to leave the program for poor performance and the DGS reached out to this person. He was more than helpful suggesting resources but the student either did not pursue them or did not get the preferred results. In another instance, another student stalked a fellow cohort member, was a danger to herself, and the DGS admitted to WALKING her over to a hold. Again, good for him. He does look out for us. However, in both instances, no more further discussion was called for. These were moments the administration of the department could have used to bring us together, offer up resources, and possibly bring in a person from mental health to have a more open discussion. Still, at least the administration hasn't ignored the problem here and is more than willing to LISTEN and help. That's huge.
Number 2 is something I feel strongly about as a future academic and as a current grad student. I do not doubt that my advisor is one of the best ones here as far as helping with this problem. As I posted here, she has taken a personal interest in the unique problems facing female students trying to balance it all - school, life, and society's conflicting expectations. If I went to her looking for resources, I bet she would be able to help and would actively try. However, I know others have not received the same level of support from other advisors or in other departments. When a guy I was dating awhile ago admitted that the lack of sleep due to terrible lab hours was making him feel completely out of touch with reality, his advisor basically told him to suck it up. We've talked since he graduated and got a job with a much better work-life-balance and he said that the last year here was the worst year of his life thus far. The strangeness of being in a foreign country, having no time to even sleep or eat, and having no friends took its toll. He now sees a therapist and is feeling much better.
I have talked about the need to be aware of resources for both general stress and anxiety and for sexual assault crisis. We are faced with problems that our students bring us even as grad students. I make myself aware of the mental health and counseling resources on campus as well as the sexual assault crisis resources. This particular school has EXCELLENT resources. If I was advising grad students in the first semester of grad school or teaching an introductory seminar, I would like start that first seminar or meeting off with a general overview of what stress is like in grad school, that it is "the norm" and that how you deal with it is what matters. I wish more people did this. The more open we are about the problem - not just in closed-door settings - the more likely we are to solve the problem.
In regards to number 3, I agree with the idea of offering mental health seminars or cohort meetings for first year grad students. This is proactive. If a counselor was brought in once every other week for drop-in meetings and open discussions with a cohort in a conference room somewhere, good techniques could be gained in dealing with stress and anxiety. Likewise, students would not feel as isolated. Eventually, if you manage to get through semester one, you will realize that everyone is dealing with the same damn thing. But you have to get there first!
The counseling and mental health centers on campus offer a variety of stress-mangement, sexaul assault recovery, and mindfulness resorces here that I think are very valuable. However, few are grad-student specific. Because I am aware of stigma and the perceptions of undergraduates as well as my age, I am reluctant to join any group that is not grad-student specific. It would be a conflict of interest to have a student or future student in there. But hey, at least some grad-specific things exist and there are sexual assault survivor groups, which is more than I can say for my undergraduate school. And, there, everything cost a lot of money. Here, 90% of these resources are free and if they aren't, they take insurance. Indiana did not take any form of insurance, which was a huge barrier to poor grad students seeking treatment, I'm sure.
All in all, I look forward to having more dialogue on this blog in the future (in the comments) and on twitter.
Big takeaways that I think we should focus on is that we need to provide resources to students before things get hairy. Provide the resources to deal with stress and anxiety first rather than just react to the problem. And as future academics or current academics, we should be aware of what resources are available and work actively to smash stigma.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
On Junior Faculty
Ah, junior faculty members. They are the awkwards of departments in some ways. It's got to be tough. You have a "real" job now. You have grad students to manage. Some of the grad students are older than you. You're just trying to become a swan but it's really hard to do because you are on an insane number of random committees that no one cares about.
I have heard some great stories and some horror stories from friends now employed (yay! hope!) at various institutions. The first year is the worst I've been told. It's especially awful if you have a TA and now have to figure out what to do with them. I have two friends that are at teaching schools who have been teaching a wide variety of courses but at least they are on their own. They don't have to delegate to us lackeys.
And I know, cry me a river, you have a TA, right?
I'm not so sure. I guess I will some day know (hopefully if someone gives me a job at the end of this) but for now, I actually feel sympathy for junior faculty. Especially when it comes to dealing with TA's. Why? Well, let me explain.
Today I received my teaching assignment for the fall semester. I have comprehensives so I asked for the least time-consuming option - an intro to American politics course. I've TA'ed this before but it was an all essay section. I had an excellent prof who I asked to work for again, mind you, but a hell of a lot more work than everyone else had to do my first semester - 4 sets of exams with 110 students under my charge. I asked for a multiple choice section since never since starting here have I had that luxury. Well, now I do, kinda. I've been assigned to a visiting prof who got his BA at our school with our department. He seems like an excellent candidate, has taught this class before, etc. I'm excited to learn something from him but NOT so excited to have to work in tandem to make up exams as I have just been informed. I get why the DGS is asking me. He wants to hand me my own class possibly the following semester. That's excellent news for me. It's just annoying because I have a lot on my plate and not all junior faculty "get it". It makes me nervous. The first semester is the worst and I am not sure I want to be in the fray again. I have been told by people who know this prof that he is an excellent guy, very personable, and will fit right in. Still, it's so old hat to work with faculty that I already know. I've worked for and with most of them by now. This is a whole 'nother world and I'm an old person at heart that hates change. I will no doubt learn a lot, though. So, I have to just realize this is another learning experience in teaching that I will most certainly appreciate in the end.
I have TA'ed for a first year faculty member once before. They guy was a great lecturer and he had an excellent rapport with the class. I learned a lot about what to expect my first year because he did take me under his wing and was a great mentor. However, he didn't understand workloads well. I had about 2x's the amount of grading of ANY TA in my second semester of grad school. The next semester, he knew better and asked to have his class designated writing intensive and got two TA's to do the work that I did myself. It was hellish in that respect. He didn't know how much to delegate to me and wasn't sure how to manage me. I think he gave me too much freedom and let me deal with plagiarism cases in a way that I was uncomfortable having so much power over. It was hard. He's definitely changed a lot since then based on what he's told me and other TA's have told me. He's learned and improved. I think he would be an excellent addition come tenure time and would gladly write a letter on his behalf. And I am glad I got to see this whole situation over time because it gave me insight into dealing with these situations firsthand.
It HAS to be an awkward situation dealing with graduate students. I mean, this new guy (from what I have been told by people that know him) is 3 years older than me but judging by his CV, we have a similar amount of teaching experience with similar subject matter. I believe firmly in a strong chain of command. I may not always agree with what a prof has a TA do or may not feel that everything is handled perfectly but I do know my place, I know how to speak in turn, and I realize there are 100 ways to skin a cat. I can imagine that there are TA's that are not like this, though. Some people seem to want to pull rank. This really makes no sense to me. You are a graduate student. You have no PhD. Unless you are asked to do something essentially wrong, you should listen to your superior. This seems particularly problematic ones that are older and feel wiser. Even personally I can say I know of one situation that a faculty member told me about which mirrors this. This was a senior faculty member with a first year grad student, though. She felt very confident in pulling rank there, obviously. It's got to be similar to the feeling you felt when you came into grad school and suddenly were teaching students that were pretty much your age. You have to learn to deal with things as they come and assert that you are in charge. Never admit that you feel intimidated.
Teaching grad students seems to be a similar quandary. I am finally at the point where I can confidently think about teaching grad students - but only in stats. I feel most confident in teaching methods. The idea of teaching a substantive course still seems far off. I hope after comps I will feel differently. Regardless, it's intimidating. That has to be the worst part. We had one junior faculty member recently. This was a wild card class out of my usual subdisciplines but it was relevant to some policy research I'd been doing and I had an open spot. He is clearly still adjusting to graduate seminars. The prof was a nice guy, he brought about interesting and new questions about gender and race which I so appreciated, but he sometimes tried to make seminar too much of a democracy. Another faculty member in his first year of graduate teaching assigned far too much too soon for the first years and ended up frazzled and admitting it WAS too much.
It seems daunting to have all of these challenges on top of tenure woes and various bureaucratic "service" responsibilities. I worry about this. I've been told that it "gets better" but only after tenure. That seems like an impossible dream to dream right now.
To all the junior faculty out there, what say you? To senior faculty, what was it like? Does it really just get so much better after tenure?
To all the grad students dealing with it, what have been your experiences with junior faculty? Similar experiences to mine? Different? Better? Worse?
I'm curious!
I have heard some great stories and some horror stories from friends now employed (yay! hope!) at various institutions. The first year is the worst I've been told. It's especially awful if you have a TA and now have to figure out what to do with them. I have two friends that are at teaching schools who have been teaching a wide variety of courses but at least they are on their own. They don't have to delegate to us lackeys.
And I know, cry me a river, you have a TA, right?
I'm not so sure. I guess I will some day know (hopefully if someone gives me a job at the end of this) but for now, I actually feel sympathy for junior faculty. Especially when it comes to dealing with TA's. Why? Well, let me explain.
Today I received my teaching assignment for the fall semester. I have comprehensives so I asked for the least time-consuming option - an intro to American politics course. I've TA'ed this before but it was an all essay section. I had an excellent prof who I asked to work for again, mind you, but a hell of a lot more work than everyone else had to do my first semester - 4 sets of exams with 110 students under my charge. I asked for a multiple choice section since never since starting here have I had that luxury. Well, now I do, kinda. I've been assigned to a visiting prof who got his BA at our school with our department. He seems like an excellent candidate, has taught this class before, etc. I'm excited to learn something from him but NOT so excited to have to work in tandem to make up exams as I have just been informed. I get why the DGS is asking me. He wants to hand me my own class possibly the following semester. That's excellent news for me. It's just annoying because I have a lot on my plate and not all junior faculty "get it". It makes me nervous. The first semester is the worst and I am not sure I want to be in the fray again. I have been told by people who know this prof that he is an excellent guy, very personable, and will fit right in. Still, it's so old hat to work with faculty that I already know. I've worked for and with most of them by now. This is a whole 'nother world and I'm an old person at heart that hates change. I will no doubt learn a lot, though. So, I have to just realize this is another learning experience in teaching that I will most certainly appreciate in the end.
I have TA'ed for a first year faculty member once before. They guy was a great lecturer and he had an excellent rapport with the class. I learned a lot about what to expect my first year because he did take me under his wing and was a great mentor. However, he didn't understand workloads well. I had about 2x's the amount of grading of ANY TA in my second semester of grad school. The next semester, he knew better and asked to have his class designated writing intensive and got two TA's to do the work that I did myself. It was hellish in that respect. He didn't know how much to delegate to me and wasn't sure how to manage me. I think he gave me too much freedom and let me deal with plagiarism cases in a way that I was uncomfortable having so much power over. It was hard. He's definitely changed a lot since then based on what he's told me and other TA's have told me. He's learned and improved. I think he would be an excellent addition come tenure time and would gladly write a letter on his behalf. And I am glad I got to see this whole situation over time because it gave me insight into dealing with these situations firsthand.
It HAS to be an awkward situation dealing with graduate students. I mean, this new guy (from what I have been told by people that know him) is 3 years older than me but judging by his CV, we have a similar amount of teaching experience with similar subject matter. I believe firmly in a strong chain of command. I may not always agree with what a prof has a TA do or may not feel that everything is handled perfectly but I do know my place, I know how to speak in turn, and I realize there are 100 ways to skin a cat. I can imagine that there are TA's that are not like this, though. Some people seem to want to pull rank. This really makes no sense to me. You are a graduate student. You have no PhD. Unless you are asked to do something essentially wrong, you should listen to your superior. This seems particularly problematic ones that are older and feel wiser. Even personally I can say I know of one situation that a faculty member told me about which mirrors this. This was a senior faculty member with a first year grad student, though. She felt very confident in pulling rank there, obviously. It's got to be similar to the feeling you felt when you came into grad school and suddenly were teaching students that were pretty much your age. You have to learn to deal with things as they come and assert that you are in charge. Never admit that you feel intimidated.
Teaching grad students seems to be a similar quandary. I am finally at the point where I can confidently think about teaching grad students - but only in stats. I feel most confident in teaching methods. The idea of teaching a substantive course still seems far off. I hope after comps I will feel differently. Regardless, it's intimidating. That has to be the worst part. We had one junior faculty member recently. This was a wild card class out of my usual subdisciplines but it was relevant to some policy research I'd been doing and I had an open spot. He is clearly still adjusting to graduate seminars. The prof was a nice guy, he brought about interesting and new questions about gender and race which I so appreciated, but he sometimes tried to make seminar too much of a democracy. Another faculty member in his first year of graduate teaching assigned far too much too soon for the first years and ended up frazzled and admitting it WAS too much.
It seems daunting to have all of these challenges on top of tenure woes and various bureaucratic "service" responsibilities. I worry about this. I've been told that it "gets better" but only after tenure. That seems like an impossible dream to dream right now.
To all the junior faculty out there, what say you? To senior faculty, what was it like? Does it really just get so much better after tenure?
To all the grad students dealing with it, what have been your experiences with junior faculty? Similar experiences to mine? Different? Better? Worse?
I'm curious!
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Are there any luxuries in grad school?
Are there any luxuries in grad school?
The comment seems ridiculous when you think about the things that we put up with during our time here:
*low wages
*long hours (20 hours a week for teaching? ha! Try like 30-35 on teaching alone!)
*high stress - publications, comps, dissertations, conferences, and all this ON TOP of your course and teaching load
*low regard - your family probably doesn't understand and makes commentary about you "being in school forever", your spouse/SO doesn't understand, people think you are uppity
*some people (thankfully not me) don't have health insurance covered by their stipend or any affordable options. Dental? As if...
And that's just to name a few things that spring to mind...
But that said, grad school does afford us some luxuries. Or at least it has me. I realized on a message board I frequent that I am "lucky" in that I have the flexibility and encouragement of like-minded peers when it comes to things. This affords me some pretty cool opportunities. I'm going to name a few. See if you can name any yourself or if any of these match up.
1. Travel
I am pretty lucky in that most of my adult life has allowed for travel. My parents are rather worldly people in that they like culture and good food but I didn't grow up travelling the globe - just North America. My parents made it possible for me to go abroad and I did so during my junior year of college. I spent a year abroad in the UK studying and researching my senior thesis on health care. It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for more. I also got to see much of Europe. I spent two weeks in Italy lounging by the pool and taking pictures. I spent Christmas in Bavaria - Nuremberg to be exact. It was a Christmas unlike any I could forget. 4 and a half weeks in a picture-perfect little place with friends.
Last year at this time I was landing in Rwanda for coursework and field study that my university paid for in large part. I moved most of my things into a storage locker here, moved the rest home, and then moved in with a close friend and a colleague when I came back from my trip. It was an amazing experience and I learned a lot. It also has helped me look good on a CV. And it proves that, despite all my himming and hawwing, I can still speak French - like it or not!
I've also gotten to travel on conferences. Most notably, I travelled to Canada and visited the U.S. embassy in Ottawa during a conference. My week-long stay was paid for entirely by the U.S. and Canadian government.
Travel is a luxury, though. Most people don't have the money or reason to go so they can't prioritize it. It annoys me to see Americans being so damn uppity about what they have when they've never seen the outside world. The world isn't America, contrary to a recent comment made by some idiot in a facebook war about why America doesn't provide proper health care to its citizens and why it should. It isn't the world and people do just fine on their own minus our "help". I am an American but I'm not that dense, basically. I don't assume that our way is best. Leaving the country made me appreciate things like a welfare state and transport (I never owned a car until I graduated school and still hate driving) that the U.S. really doesn't provide as well as any other HDC. However, leaving the country also made me appreciate things like food. I still stand by the fact that the U.S. has one of the best food "cultures" around and Chicago, specifically, is a food mecca that I have come to miss when not living in the metro area. Still, it was academia and research that afforded me these experiences. I wish everyone had these opportunities but my job is unique in allowing me such things.
2. Time
I make my own schedule. I doubt I will ever find a job more flexible than this. And that's why if I ever have kids I will likely be the person that is running the kids to the doctor, dentist, etc because lord knows I can. I still work 80 hours a week but I don't see that block schedule that my Dad does. He's a banker and works a ton of hours. He has a hard time believing sometimes, I think, that I work as many hours as I do but I really do. I take my work home with me. I grade papers all of the effing time, I eat while I'm reading for courses, and I think up paper ideas or keyword searches in the shower. Work never stops, of course, which leads to stress, but if I manage it, I can have a pretty good schedule.
This schedule allows me to travel, to have the summers off, and to set my own hours. Few jobs allow for this but if I stay in academia, this will always be my blessing (and curse). I want to look at it as a glass half full, though. No need to be a total pessimist.
3. A community that "gets it".
My colleagues are also my closest friends and my committee is made up of trusted mentors. I am able to surround myself with people that think like me, work like me, and are interested in the things that I am. Well, not exactly the SAME things but many of the same things. When I am stressed about comps, I have shoulders to cry on. When I am worried about a final paper that just will not work, people get it. When it is conference season and I am fried and need a break, I have people around me who need the same.
Now, again, this is good and bad. If you get into a fight with someone, it's an issue. If you date someone in your program - rule number one you shouldn't break (take it from me!) - they can choose to be an asshole and air your dirty laundry to the program staff at any minute. Ask me how I know. Oh wait, that's because it happened 2 days ago to me. I also share an office with 15 people. I love most of them some of the time. I hate some of them some of the time. I don't hate or love everyone all of the time. It's bound to be like that when there are so many type A's in a room. So, it can be good and bad.
But it's mostly good. Your family (unless they are academics) won't get you. Your significant others from non-academic backgrounds will NOT get you. And they may think what you are doing is a joke because your pay is so little. But, I can assure you, someone at the office WILL get you. It may not be everyone all the time and sometimes things are better than others but someone will always get you all of the time.
Have any of your own thoughts? I know graduate school is no luxurious way to live. Paycheck-to-paycheck and all. But it does afford us some luxuries. It reminds me of a faculty member who compares it to playing ball. If you do the best you can, you will end up being able to come in and play ball day after day. It's a dream job and if you work, you can keep it, according to him.
The comment seems ridiculous when you think about the things that we put up with during our time here:
*low wages
*long hours (20 hours a week for teaching? ha! Try like 30-35 on teaching alone!)
*high stress - publications, comps, dissertations, conferences, and all this ON TOP of your course and teaching load
*low regard - your family probably doesn't understand and makes commentary about you "being in school forever", your spouse/SO doesn't understand, people think you are uppity
*some people (thankfully not me) don't have health insurance covered by their stipend or any affordable options. Dental? As if...
And that's just to name a few things that spring to mind...
But that said, grad school does afford us some luxuries. Or at least it has me. I realized on a message board I frequent that I am "lucky" in that I have the flexibility and encouragement of like-minded peers when it comes to things. This affords me some pretty cool opportunities. I'm going to name a few. See if you can name any yourself or if any of these match up.
1. Travel
I am pretty lucky in that most of my adult life has allowed for travel. My parents are rather worldly people in that they like culture and good food but I didn't grow up travelling the globe - just North America. My parents made it possible for me to go abroad and I did so during my junior year of college. I spent a year abroad in the UK studying and researching my senior thesis on health care. It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for more. I also got to see much of Europe. I spent two weeks in Italy lounging by the pool and taking pictures. I spent Christmas in Bavaria - Nuremberg to be exact. It was a Christmas unlike any I could forget. 4 and a half weeks in a picture-perfect little place with friends.
Last year at this time I was landing in Rwanda for coursework and field study that my university paid for in large part. I moved most of my things into a storage locker here, moved the rest home, and then moved in with a close friend and a colleague when I came back from my trip. It was an amazing experience and I learned a lot. It also has helped me look good on a CV. And it proves that, despite all my himming and hawwing, I can still speak French - like it or not!
I've also gotten to travel on conferences. Most notably, I travelled to Canada and visited the U.S. embassy in Ottawa during a conference. My week-long stay was paid for entirely by the U.S. and Canadian government.
Travel is a luxury, though. Most people don't have the money or reason to go so they can't prioritize it. It annoys me to see Americans being so damn uppity about what they have when they've never seen the outside world. The world isn't America, contrary to a recent comment made by some idiot in a facebook war about why America doesn't provide proper health care to its citizens and why it should. It isn't the world and people do just fine on their own minus our "help". I am an American but I'm not that dense, basically. I don't assume that our way is best. Leaving the country made me appreciate things like a welfare state and transport (I never owned a car until I graduated school and still hate driving) that the U.S. really doesn't provide as well as any other HDC. However, leaving the country also made me appreciate things like food. I still stand by the fact that the U.S. has one of the best food "cultures" around and Chicago, specifically, is a food mecca that I have come to miss when not living in the metro area. Still, it was academia and research that afforded me these experiences. I wish everyone had these opportunities but my job is unique in allowing me such things.
2. Time
I make my own schedule. I doubt I will ever find a job more flexible than this. And that's why if I ever have kids I will likely be the person that is running the kids to the doctor, dentist, etc because lord knows I can. I still work 80 hours a week but I don't see that block schedule that my Dad does. He's a banker and works a ton of hours. He has a hard time believing sometimes, I think, that I work as many hours as I do but I really do. I take my work home with me. I grade papers all of the effing time, I eat while I'm reading for courses, and I think up paper ideas or keyword searches in the shower. Work never stops, of course, which leads to stress, but if I manage it, I can have a pretty good schedule.
This schedule allows me to travel, to have the summers off, and to set my own hours. Few jobs allow for this but if I stay in academia, this will always be my blessing (and curse). I want to look at it as a glass half full, though. No need to be a total pessimist.
3. A community that "gets it".
My colleagues are also my closest friends and my committee is made up of trusted mentors. I am able to surround myself with people that think like me, work like me, and are interested in the things that I am. Well, not exactly the SAME things but many of the same things. When I am stressed about comps, I have shoulders to cry on. When I am worried about a final paper that just will not work, people get it. When it is conference season and I am fried and need a break, I have people around me who need the same.
Now, again, this is good and bad. If you get into a fight with someone, it's an issue. If you date someone in your program - rule number one you shouldn't break (take it from me!) - they can choose to be an asshole and air your dirty laundry to the program staff at any minute. Ask me how I know. Oh wait, that's because it happened 2 days ago to me. I also share an office with 15 people. I love most of them some of the time. I hate some of them some of the time. I don't hate or love everyone all of the time. It's bound to be like that when there are so many type A's in a room. So, it can be good and bad.
But it's mostly good. Your family (unless they are academics) won't get you. Your significant others from non-academic backgrounds will NOT get you. And they may think what you are doing is a joke because your pay is so little. But, I can assure you, someone at the office WILL get you. It may not be everyone all the time and sometimes things are better than others but someone will always get you all of the time.
Have any of your own thoughts? I know graduate school is no luxurious way to live. Paycheck-to-paycheck and all. But it does afford us some luxuries. It reminds me of a faculty member who compares it to playing ball. If you do the best you can, you will end up being able to come in and play ball day after day. It's a dream job and if you work, you can keep it, according to him.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Mental Illness and Grad School: You aren't alone
But it gets me thinking. There's a LIFE in there. There's my academic life- the good, the bad, the awful, the REALLY good. There's a student just on the verge in there and an academic ready to publish in there. Well, on that last part, I can dream, right?
In there, I manage to see that even during the worst times of my life, I've managed to take good notes and keep it relatively together. There have been points when I honestly didn't feel like living was the best option in my life. Most of those points were pre-grad school but my first year here was hellacious. It was wrought with financial difficulty when the university made an accounting error and granted me no money for 3 months. It was full of more financial difficulty and physical pain after an emergency surgery left me with a $3500.00 hospital bill in the middle of my second semester.
And yet, here I am. I'm the strongest I've ever been. It hasn't been an easy week, after all. My roommate is dealing with tough shit, too. Everyone is.
Recent talk of mental illness on twitter got me thinking about things. Several people have been talking about this on my feed. One commenter noted that she was dealing with problems that seem to be similar to issues that I have with OCD but didn't want to be "labeled" or have it reported back to her supervisor. Grad students worry about such things. Hell, I worry about this blog labeling me in some ways but I think the blog shows that there is far more to me than OCD or bipolar disorder.
Most people wouldn't see me and go "yep, she's got a mental illness". A lot of people are surprised to find this out if they ever get to know me well enough. I certainly don't TRY to hide it. If someone is to ask me, I cop to it because I want to show people I'm NOT afraid. And that's a personal prerogative Not everyone has to be so open. But I don't appear any different. I do well in my program. This year is a year that has been rough because I have been diagnosed with something new. PTSD is now the new word. Another diagnosis - oh, joy!
But my therapist said something to me that stuck. How many people can you think of that you would label as being "OCD" or "bipolar"? "No one," I replied. But then he asked me how many people I know have mood or anxiety disorders in academia. I counted in my head for quite some time. He then asked me how many people that I had known had had panic attacks. I counted some more. There were more people than I could count on fingers and toes. And, while these disorders may be "labeled" something, I don't label the person that. I doubt that anyone else does the labeling thing, too, despite a high prevalence of mental illness and anxiety disorders among academics.
It's not a surprise that many of us have such similar issues. Grad school is incredibly stressful. It can be down right impossible. You work 80 hour days, you take your work home with you, and the only people you generally hang out with live with you, work with you, research with you, and share your interests. It's a giant, stress-induced fishbowl of epic proportions. We're talking The Hills for smart people sort of drama!
I work in an office with 14 of my colleagues - basically all in one big room. We know WAY too much about one another and boy have I seen a lot of panic attacks. I've talked people down and they've done the same for me. So I know many people who suffer from similar illnesses. But they are still just people I know, respect, and talk to on a daily basis. They are friends and colleagues. And no one judges them for it - or they really shouldn't. That'd make them terrible people. As long as you do your job and aren't a total ass, no one cares.
But that doesn't mean you should suffer. And labels only matter if you let them. I don't think of myself as bipolar, for example. I, like many people in my family, suffer from the disorder but I am still probably the most functional diagnosed person in my family. That's a source of pride in some ways. I'm NOT the disorder I was so afraid to be labeled as. I did not want to suffer the way I have seen other family members suffer. I did not want it to be this ugly mark on my record.
But, you know what? It's not. As long as I don't let it. It's not easy to do that. It's easy to get sucked in and scared. I'm not saying that it hasn't taken a long time. It's taken three years of intensive therapy, maintenance, and drugs to get me to this point but that success is on me. A lot of other people do the same and you'd never know.
And really, everybody's got SOMETHING. If it's not mental illness, it's a death in the family or something major. One of my colleagues lost his father last year. His father was dying while he was taking comps. I have had friends that have suffered from really bad illnesses themselves while dealing with the stress of grad school. Some people have families or start families. Everybody's got something that makes things hard.
So, don't feel alone. Just feel like you have the right to be stressed and you have the right to talk to others about this stress - especially medical professionals that CAN help. And feel that no one has the right to define you with a stupid label, sure. But get that help and hold your head high. The only other choice is to throw your hands up and give up. Fuck that. You're a grad student. You came this far partially because you ARE crazy for wanting to do this to yourself and partially because you are insanely motivated and WANT this. Don't let anything take that from you. You are a million, billion times stronger than that.